nostalgia? you mean I do have good memories of things from high school?

so I started cleaning my room the other day, and have been throwing mass ammounts of crap away old papers etc. well this morning I stumbled across something that made me stop and have to talk to steveo... it was an invite to the coker 2001 my advanced invite hehee. this brought back some really happy memories of being out in the forest throwin the football running a creek, foxtails, talk of women, late night video games, etc etc. and its quite happy I think of the few people I still talk to from the era of my life and how happy and craefree we were, which leads me to why is it everytime you look back on your life it was always happy and carefree?! I remember some really rank times as well but those memories seem to fade away like some mystic red tape has been placed over the file, compartmentalise and move on as it were. and that thought is scary in its self because well I dont know really it just seems scary.... (tyler hope I'm useing some periods this time for ya buddy) but the next thought to mind is in fact the bad parts of high school the crap we did have to put up with the angst of wanting to grow up and live our dreams out thinking nothing could stop us. well alot has stoped me come to think of it and looking back just makes my life now seem miserable and grey with no outpouring for the future, really depressing I know to think about it like that but y'know I was blind to alot of things till crap fell apart in my little world I fell into a vast pool of nothing and cant seem to find the edge no matter how hard I do try my god what have I become? I have nothing to show for myself it seems but have a utter lack of desire to better myself... which isnt the case I want to but I feel like I cant everything just piles up and piles up and I cant get any of the stuff out of my inbox.. so where to go from here I dont know I'm sure this blog makes no sense at all but it wasnt really for you to understand it did get some of the poison out though and thanks steve for reminding me that a coke some hatebreed and bloging seems to help alot.....